Part of every misery is, so to speak, the misery's shadow or reflection: the fact that you don't merely suffer but have to keep on thinking about the fact that you suffer. I not only live each endless day in grief, but live each day thinking about living each day in grief.

What saves a man is to take a step. Then another step.

We are what we believe we are.

You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body.

PATHETIC FALLACY (or anthropomorphic fallacy if you are celine :p)
this weather parallels my feelings or what! crazy high temperatures scorching sun then sudden heavy showers. repeat that three times and ta-da! today's weather. this is not good for health... i'm getting tired from this heat. did my hair up as Quinn did in Glee last night! nice looking! shall perfect it for a sunday.
i know He's near even though i ask alot of questions and feel lost. give thanks for all my friends around and entertaining my madness (: amen!

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
Philippians 4:13


i want to share with you how true this verse is. i know there are readers out there who will doubt me because of all the ungodly things i have done in the past, but God's grace upon me is beyond this earth. in the past, i have been a thrill-seeker, done my fair share of name calling and getting into fights. these always happened when i was provoked. i always thought that people owed it to me to treat me fairly and with respect. so in my teens, anyone who did the slightest unjust to me would face my wrath and confrontation. things changed these two years. i grew up and realised not everyone is within your control and there are people who will hurt you intentionally and/or unintentionally. i saw this in teachers' politics, my own circle of friends. i got hurt but i pulled through by God's grace. it wasn't an easy task but i moved on from the hurt by some so-called friends. who knew that this was in preparation of bigger obstacles in life? looking back at my days in ntss, i thought i was a tough girl who could get away with kicking bullies and no one can lay a finger on me. who knew that God had greater plans for me? plans to humble me and teach me that how tough am i is not dependent on me but in Him. ironically, it is the strongest women i meet that hold their families together while the men of the house lead frivolous superficial lives. they are strong women but where does their strength come from? Christ and Christ alone. In my current tribulation, had i not experienced betrayals from friends and seen the selfishness of others, i would never have the strength and patient to hold my tongue and control my actions. there are a hundred and one things i could have done to oust the scandalous lives some people are living. in fact, i have every reason to because i care for this person and want what is right to befall him. as the verse says, Christ strengthened me. before you say this sounds cliche, think of the person i was and the person i am now. it is impossible for me to turn a blind eye to wicked and deceitful men (and women) in the past. but there is Christ to turn to and trust in my life today. i pray and tell Him my frustrations, my anger. i cannot judge and carry out my own judgments. i know that God knows what is best for me because i am His responsibility. for all the people i mistreated in the past, i know i will have to answer to Him one day. more so i confess my sins because i have done things that upset God. my faith is still tested everyday. some days i believe, other days i doubt. thank you friends who have been encouraging me in this difficult time, for urging me to continue believing. thank you for your prayers and well wishes.

SIAN. i wanted to post a funny convo i had with lacson. BUT I CLOSED THE WINDOW ALREADY. bummer. anyway. it was really lame. my display message was "what use am i as a heap on the floor" from sentimental heart. and he said i can be an obstacle and trip evil and bad people who are walking. HAHA. aiyahhh i have a very weird sense of humour la. i'm probably the only twat laughing to this lame joke. must be reading too much of swyngedouw. sian. i don't even know if i spelt his name correctly. how to reference in the exam? mindy says just write (Swindle, 2007). woman, swyngedouw will pour water on our hair if you do that, says harvey neo. i don't wanna study ): i just wanna attend lectures and tutorials all day. be a liability to the society... haha. ok. maybe not. btw, herman is so blur he's funny. first he clicked replied all for his personal particulars. then for his passport expiry date he put this! 2007 (expired can or not ah?). HAHAHAHAAHA so funny can! i can't believe this is coming from someone older than me. better remind him must inform mindef before going overseas. i think this trip is going to be totally random but that's the point! expecting the unexpected (like in a good way. not a sorry-i-slept-with-someone-the-other-night-way). speaking of unexpected, bevs and i are probably the most unexpected people to be playing in the arcade tonight. in a dodgy arcade no less (paradiz centre). we're hooked on world combat! thankfully it's only a dollar cos the arcade is dodgy. woohoo! and we planned to complete the game. the names we picked were so funny. at the first round, we picked sissy names for ourselves (cinnamon and penguin) and we died so soon! so the second round we decided on fiercer names! i named myself emperor so that even if i died as a private, i'll be private EMPEROR. haha. so smart right my foolproof strategy. anyway we really managed to go on further to cpt i think. good destress!!! but when i came home to all my readings all that destress is like gone to nowhere ): alright. time to sleep in this rainy weather. early monsoon from the crazy high temperatures in australia (sorry andy!). more mugging tmr. ):